Law school awaits... University of Denver here I come! I had quit my paralegal job back on the 13th of July after a year and a half at one of the most frustrating places of business around - a law firm representing mortgage bankers in bankruptcy proceedings.
Since that day on the 13th, I've been out more nights than in. I mean, I haven't been crazy, I haven't been living life 750 milliliters at a time, but the amount of alcohol consumed (and the amount of cash spent on consumption of said alcohol) definitely gave me pause earlier this week.
That a good, hoppy IPA has almost supplanted the stalwart gin and tonic as my favorite (spirituous) beverage notwithstanding, I had a pretty glaringly obvious realization.
I'm nervous.
Not that I'm making an unwise move in going to law school. I've researched law school and being an attorney to death since last summer. I've worked in the field, I've seen how attorneys work and said, "Hey, that's how my mind works too." And while I'm sure there will be a mind numbing amount of school work, I'm confident I can do it successfully. I've always seen myself with a post-graduate degree, and this one makes the most sense.
Not that I'm making an unwise move in relocating to a city I've only been to twice. While Seattle has been good to me in a lot of ways, it's not my city. There are a lot of elements to me. I'll miss my family and friends dearly, but there's a lot here I want to get away from. My impressions of Denver blew me away. Friendly (Seattle is polite, but not friendly)! Beautiful (While the summers here rock, the seven months of gray can be a bit much)! Clean! Schizophrenic weather (I kid you not, that's a plus in my book)! Ridiculously gorgeous guys! So yeah, I'm actually quite excited for something new in that department.
Not that I'm making an unwise move in that I don't know many people in Denver. Socially, yes, I'll be starting almost completely from scratch. I know a whole two people from in Denver that have moved from the Seattle area plus a few I had met during my visit. The last time I moved to a place far away without knowing more than a few people (when I went to University of Montana for a year), it was a disaster. Circumstances have changed dramatically since then, chief among them I can now legally drink and I don't melt down to a panicked mess when I don't get a joke. And, thankfully, the only thing frosty about Denver I've found is the weather sometimes.
What I'm nervous about is the adjustment. I haven't seriously challenged myself intellectually since high school (obvious to anyone that's seen my undergraduate GPA). Now, I've challenged myself mentally in my ongoing fight with anxiety (I'm sloooooooowly winning the war, but that's a whole other story), but they're two different beasts. I won't know whether or not this nervousness is well founded or not until the wheels grind into motion with school. And that doesn't help me out either. I've made big strides in getting myself to focus and dispelling a lot of the social anxiety that's plagued me in the past. I've learned a lot about myself lately, and have started to put it to good use, but will it all be enough? Moving across the country is a daunting prospect, much less moving across the country and leaping into something as challenging as law school.
Me being out so often wasn't some subconscious decision... I wanted to make sure I saw everyone before I blasted out of here. But it served another purpose in that it kept me from dwelling too long upon why I was nervous.
So I'm not making the wrong decision, I know that much. I'm just nervous about my ability to succeed in this endeavor. And now I'm less than 48 hours away from starting the 22 hour drive...
Wooooohoooooo!
So we shall see! I'll be using the blog to document my little legal odyssey... should be fun!
Huh, a whole post with no profanity, go me!
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